Hello all,

Dependency/Being dependent on someone is the worst thing possible thing that you can do to yourself as a person because not only do you stop working on your own but you also lose that sense of self-belief, yes, you even at times stop thinking that you can do it on your own and trust me, there is no illusion bigger than this, for there is nothing that the human mind can’t achieve on its own if it sets out to do so. Also, if you are getting dependent on someone even for miniscule things, you are giving that person the power to hurt you or even totally shatter your ego. It doesn’t matter with what reasons or understanding that person was doing it for you at a particular point of time for someday it might all come down to you being blamed for everything, yes even for the things you may have never asked or for reasons you never knew existed. Well, that’s how it is for you gave that person a chance somewhere and nobody in this world ever misses out on any such chance and on the first opportunity you know, people come at you with full force, putting upon your shoulders the blame for everything and why??? Yep, just for the simple reason that at a time you were slightly dependent on them. Albeit, What makes me wonder is the fact as to how can such people forget that nobody can make someone do something so if at a point of time you are doing something, it is because you wanted to do it in the first place or at-least,some part within you wanted to do it. Now, you obviously can’t blame someone else if there is a conflict existing within you or that you are not sorted from within in matters of what you wanted to do and what not, and if you are ultimately blaming someone else for it the harsh reality is that you are just running away from it.

Also, i don’t believe in the crap about it being all right to depend on people who understand you well or who are very close to you for yet again, you never know when that might change because people in this world are a precarious lot, their nature, views change more often than even the weather. You might be on the good side of receiving something and the next moment even before you know it, there you are being blamed for things/reasons you didn’t even know existed.

Another very important argument in this discussion would be that it would be foolish to not consider the flaws in the other person and not give them a second chance for at times in anger people lose out and say stuff which they may not necessarily mean and after all, its only in front of good friends(you can never know for sure if you are one) that people can be what they are, so its all right at times if people choose to let out the steam at you and during that process, say things which you know they may not have meant. However, the big question is where do you draw the line. The answer to this is more often determined more by the magnitude of blame put upon your shoulders and the intensity with which these was conveyed to you(i am trying my best to put this in normal words and yet get the meaning across). So, what happens when the person crosses the line defined by you, what happens when they end up hurting you badly in the process of trying to correct things for themselves. How do you react then, do u remain the same? Well, if you are genuine, you wouldn’t be the same definitely because something inside you would have definitely got hurt and it wouldn’t let things be at status-qua. However, on the other hand, maybe they are right to take out that frustration on you, that in the first place piled up because you were dependent upon them for things. However, yet again you couldn’t have possibly forced them do all that they did or even minute parts of what they did, they did it out of their own wish,maybe out of the affection they felt for you or maybe out of the fact that there basic nature is like that of helping everyone out. I agree to the fact that at times, helping someone out is inevitable and you do it by going against your wishes, at such times the development of the frustration can be justified, but what about the times, where you had a choice, where you could have told the person that don’t depend on me,where you could have followed the other path and if you choose this path back then, why blame for it now. How would doing that change anything except maybe affecting your relationships with them. Phew, its way too complicated if you look at it and start thinking about it But the bottom-line is that you can never blame anyone for the things you once upon a time did, for you did it only because something inside you wanted to do it(this is only true for people genuine people, for others they may have done it to just show how nice they are to the world) and how can you blame someone for the fact that things within you are at war.

As far as the question of the solution to this problem comes,its very simple: BE INDEPENDENT (Yep that kills the problem right at its crib). As far as the matter regarding dealing with the fact that you may be hurt,well your reaction to that will  depend a lot on your relation with the other person. If you are way too close to him and are really good friends, then i guess nothing can ever change anything for there is nothing in this world bigger then the purity of good friendship and it should be preserved forever. In my case, for the person who inspired me to write this post i hold a deep sense of respect and admiration and i don’t think something or anything ever would change the way i look at that person. I have looked at the person as a guide,mentor and nothing will ever reduce the respect in my eyes with which i look upto that person. The only thing that would change would be within me, because now i will never be dependent on that person or on anyone for that matter’s sake for this taught me a valuable lesson and i have learned it well.

Nakul