5 months ago(in December, ’12), i had made a solemn promise to myself, a promise of not applying for any jobs or further studies, which i would have joined way into the future(6 months), just for the heck of having something to fall on post-fellowship. TFI organizes a job fair and helps its fellows with placements in the months of December and January and thus my decision meant staying out of the process and not availing of their services. This meant that i would have to seek whatever i wanted to do next myself.
The reason behind my decision was majorly influenced by 2 lines of thoughts: The first being the simple desire to stay focused on the present moment and try to give it my best. I was then, at a critical moment of my fellowship as i had just built relationships with my 2nd set of kids and was all set on using them to steer my kids into the path of academics. Khushi was a real struggle in terms of getting the kids into the class and interested towards their studies, it had taken me almost 4 months to get there and i didn’t want to waste any more time by putting my own insecurities around post fellowship plans above them.(I did waste quite a lot of time though, but that was majorly because of my lack of discipline due to which i am highly inconsistent). Deep within, i knew that i wanted to do then was to teach, there wasn’t even an iota of interest around my post-fellowship plans and i didn’t want to do it for the heck of feeling safe OR to simply get rid of the fear of the unknown.
The second one was borne out of the state of rebellion that’s going on within me. I simply wanted to challenge the norms set down by the society. I have promised myself to never ever write down what i have done in my life on a piece of paper for people to judge me by, this thus ruled out ever making a resume or filling a form of application to any university. I wasn’t ready to let myself be judged or controlled by the society perceptions of right or wrong. I don’t believe in the concept of having and building a career, i believe in building Life itself as a whole rather than taking care of just parts of it. For me making a resume required writing down my achievements and strengths, on the basis of which any employer would select me so as to derive maximum benefit by harnessing them. I on the other hand was looking for something which would give me an opportunity to explore areas to develop my weaknesses and not just simply use my strengths.
The rebel within had full faith in the universe and knew it would definitely send something my way as and when the right time comes. The belief was itself borne out an understanding of the simple fact that if you set out with the intention of making the present moment right with the utmost purity, patience and perseverance, the next moment will itself fall into place. The universe would go out of its way to set the next moment right if you simply believe in it. It will sing your song if you yourself sing it with the utmost purity. I thus, made up my mind and worked only on the present. All around me people kept calling me crazy, my friends asked me to at-least have something as a backup but i had already handed over the reins to the universe. I was definitely scared but i had this fear totally under control.
And GUESS What: The Universe delivered, it sent the exact opportunity along my way at the right time. It even taught me a lesson by letting me plan in a totally different direction before introducing me to the opportunity it knew i wouldn’t possibly deny. I am so grateful to everything around me today and i feel so blessed, so lucky to have found the exact next step. I believed in the universe and it delivered so beautifully and i am so so grateful towards it for blessing me with its love and care. I feel like dancing and simply losing myself in its infinite vastness but am not at the level as yet wherein i could let myself go and flow so freely. So, for the time being, i will try to deliver my best in the opportunity i have been blessed with and also, hopefully will sing my song with even more conviction and clarity now.