Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, there is no way in the world that i can even come close to describing the pain i am in right now, the high level of expectations one sets for oneself are really good and should be as high as possible but the path you have to take to get there is so so painful, for you fall again and again and unlike other times in your lives when your were sans expectations and could just run away, now you have got to pick yourself up and continue like before. People tell me that the things which are the best in life are the ones which will take the longest to come to you. However the desire to want them and want them badly increases each passing day, becoming more and more, reaching crazy levels as you start working harder than what you have ever done before, it becomes so much that it drives you mad, for they don’t come that easy. They require a lot more than just that normal levels of craziness, they require you to be totally mad, they require you to be wanting them so bad that there is nothing else in your life that you can even think of, that there is nothing that even dares to enter your thoughts other than wanting that. Success comes to you only when you want it really badly, as badly as you want to breathe after you have been forced to be underwater for more than a minute ,for at that point there is nothing else that would even dare cross your mind rather than staying alive by breathing.
The pain increases in me every second with the realization that no, i am not even close to that, i don’t want it that badly as yet. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, but i do want it and i know sooner or later that madness will come to, the madness that would want me to forget everything else except just wanting it. I want to get there quicker but inside i know that getting there would take time, it would require the sacrifices in both blood and sweat, it would require that persistence, it would require a lot more effort than what i am putting in right now.I want it to come quickly so so badly that the fact that there is no shortcut to it or the fact that there is no possible way i can do it faster is driving me nuts.
Also, the fact that no matter how much hard work you put in, no matter what you do is not enough for you yourself are raising the bar higher still every-time, Why am i doing this? I have no reasons whatsoever, all that i know is that i want to do it and deep deep inside i am loving this pain. Also, the fact that i know inside that the hard-work i have put in up-til now is nothing compared to what i will have to and want to put in, is exhausting me but i have no time to rest for if i rest, what will become of my dreams. No, no i got to do more and i know i will do it, If i am the one raising the bar, i will definitely be the one reaching it as well and undoubtedly setting it higher again. Only the fact that it all is happening so so quickly and my comfort zones are not just getting challenged by me everyday, i am tearing them apart, pushing for that higher self harder, much much harder then ever before, setting those high goals, seeing those new highs that i never thought were possible ever for a person as lazy as me at such an early age, its all a bit exhausting.
All i know is that despite all the insecurities, the fear of the unknowns or the part in me that wants to cower away, run away that i face, the desire of wanting it is much more stronger than all of these put together: FOR I WANT IT LIKE CRAZY, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD AND I KNOW I WILL GET IT, I WILL FUCKING GET IT
P.S: I have refrained from divulging the details of what is it that i want so badly and where i want to get and also, what i consider to be the best things in life for the simple reason that i consider them really personal to me and i don’t believe in revealing them.