I am standing at a very crucial phase of my life. The next one year shall define for me, very clearly, where i will get and if i would be worthy enough of the dream that i have dared to have. Deep in, i actually know i am yet not worthy enough of the dream and i have to earn that position which will only be earned through sheer hard work(Karma), obsessive level hard work. I will have to be so much dedicated to my work such that no other thought should even dare to cross my mind. What i seek from the universe is something very high and if i want it to even consider fulfilling my wish or very simply even allowing me to venture out into making that dream a reality, i have to first prove to the universe my dedication towards it. The universe will only sing my song when it sees my utmost dedication and reverence towards that song. There can be no mistakes this year, no more randomness, no more excuses. The moment is here, its beautifully and perfectly set by the universe so as to provide me with the opportunity to prepare my wings for the flight ahead. If i am unable to make the most out of this opportunity, i shall have failed my dream.
However, i am not going to fail, not this time, not anytime. I am here to work hard, i am ready like i have never been before, i am much more mentally stronger and this time around, i know i will catch this opportunity and come out of it like a fully developed dragon: ready with all my strength to fly and fight the battles ahead. The journey of the year is not an easy one, i am taking the most negative aspect of our society, the worst that it can get and trying to tackle it. If i can survive this, i can survive anything. However, to survive this, i will have to form a very vital support system for myself and unlike other times, this support system this time can’t be external it has to come from within. I have just recently gone through a very traumatic phase wherein i literally pulled my hair out in trying to understand the reasoning behind there being so much suffering all around and also in trying to understand the human psyche and how it functions. Needless to say, i have been unable to answer even one of those questions as yet, however, what this did was to push me into the path of spirituality and also to seek that peace within. I understood that i will have to seek that eternal bliss within if i am to discard my duties in the world with utmost devotion for i can only do so when my mind would be at peace. I am a highly emotional person and i really get affected by the suffering all around and i don’t know why i can’t ignore the harsh realities when i am confronted with them. However, i also do believe in action or Karma and also believe that its through karma and karma alone that i can actually do something about it. However, for that i will have to start from myself and rise up to a particular level in understanding the world.
I will have to stay in solitude if i have to achieve what i have set out for. I will thus, starting hereby, try to slowly decrease my personal interactions with the world, not because keeping them is bad in any form, but because of my inability to handle them simultaneously with my work. I generally end up getting affected with my interactions with people and also, at times i spend excessive times which i would henceforth want to spend on seeking that strength from within me. I am not an egoistic person and i totally believe in the inter-dependent reality of the world, however, i also believe in initially first becoming truly independent before setting out on the path of inter-dependence and currently, it is this independence that i seek. The journey ahead is one that i have to undertake alone and this is the final test i must pass. On my part, i had rather die trying than ever giving up. The following words of Swami Vivekananda are what i shall hold for the next one year as my beacon:
“You will go to hell if you seek your own salvation. Seek the salvation of others if you want to reach the Highest. Kill out the desire for personal mukti. This is the greatest spiritual discipline. Work, my children, work with your whole heart and soul! That is the thing. Mind not the fruit of work. What if you go to hell working for others? That is worth more than to gain heaven by seeking you own salvation. Sri Ramakrishna cam and gave his life for the world. I will also sacrifice my life. You also, every one of you, should do the same. All these works and so forth are only a beginning. Believe me from the shedding of our lifeblood will arise gigantic, heroic workers and warriors of God who will revolutionize the whole world” – Swami Vivekananda