There is a weird feeling in me and i am unable to ascertain the exact cause behind it. I have always enjoyed in the company of the selected few people. Most of you out there wouldn’t understand so i shall not even waste my time explaining the why behind there been just those select few. I mean there are so many people all around us who can enjoy and make merry in anyone’s and everyone’s presence that the fact that i just want those selected few in my life can make you think i am weird but that’s completely fine with me. However, the events in the past two weeks have made me realize a very weird thing about myself, something that is scaring me for i am yet to understand what it fully means and also what its implications might be. I have stopped enjoying even in the company of those few people. I still do like to spend some of my time with them, to talk out a lot of things or to just enjoy their company and the fact that i am lucky enough to have their presence in my small world. So, why is that i am now not even comfortable spending quality time with them. Why do i want to be alone, why is there so much longing for that desire within me. Why do i so enjoy spending that time all with myself doing nothing but just thinking and letting random thoughts cross my mind, play with it, excite it.
I don’t even remember the last time before today when i felt like writing a blog article, was it because of the simple fact that i just wasn’t sitting alone with myself, that i just wasn’t letting myself feel free. Why do i enjoy sitting all by myself so much. Why do i get so much peace by just sitting. Half an hour of doing just this everyday before sleeping is enough for me to get all that tiredness of the day out. At times, i am just so dead tired after work but this would yet again leave me so so much energized as if rekindling in me the unending desire to do more, the strong urge to drag my action up to the level of my thoughts. I am unable to comprehend the feeling that this brings within me, it sure isn’t ecstasy or just happiness or just sadness. Its a weird kind of calmness, a kind of serenity, something wherein everything just flows the way its supposed to. Why am i so struggling with words while describing it or maybe i am yet to understand it fully. Something somewhere is missing right now, the missing part of the puzzle that would take me to that next level in my path, for i have surely reached the saturation in this level.
I am at a crucial stage of something, the end of which i am yet to figure out or comprehend, all i know for sure is that the path surely is right. I just need to be spending some more of that crucial time that i have left from my work for sitting alone, just being with myself, totally and totally disconnected from this world.