Today while teaching in my class, as i was walking around and explaining to students India’s physical features in SST, i noticed Aman and Sumit playing with each other. They are the naughtiest of my lot. Both of them are heavily pampered by their parents and thus, any attempts on my part to discipline them generally ends in disappointment for there parents usually end up pampering them more than i am able to discipline them. Now, on a normal day, there playing during study time would have elicited an angry response from me, however, as i am running high on emotions these days, since i am about to leave them in a few days, so today, their behaviour instead brought out the tender side of me and i found their innocent playing cute.
Both Aman and Sumit, have a habit of smiling sheepishly and shying away whenever i confront them or even at times scold them. Also, Aman has the cutest set of eyes in the world and i am so in love with his eyes, in-fact, me and the other fellow in the school often say that: Aman ki aankho se shaitani tapakti hai( naughtiness drips out of Aman’s eyes). This time around, i confronted them just for the heck of observing their reactions and enjoying it. They both behaved in the expected way and i was so filled with joy when on my scolding them( i was just doing this to elicit a response from them), they both said: Are bhaiyya nahi nahi, sorry ab nahi karenge( No bhaiyya, we are sorry, we will not do it again) and then started laughing sheepishly. The way they shy away from me, yet are able to talk freely when they feel like, shows me the high level of love and trust that they shower and have on me. The kids look at me with so much love and innocence in their eyes and i have now developed such a good understanding of each of their behaviour. Leaving them for me is the toughest thing that i have done until now in my life.
Aman and Sumit’s reaction instantly brought tears to my eyes as i realized the fact that i wouldn’t be able to be a witness to their naughtiness’s after a while. I turned around and started writing on the board for i didn’t want the kids to see me crying or else they all would yet again start acting funny to make me laugh. Crying while facing the blackboard is a common thing for me these days, for as i near the end of my year with the kids, i have now started becoming more aware of the small, special things that each one of them does and these observations genreally end up leaving me asking for more of such observations and also causes the upheaval of emotions that i am so desperately trying to hide and suppress.
I have never experience so much of true and genuine love from so many of people around me and i am unable to come to terms with the fact that soon, i will be leaving all of this to move and teach at a different, though more challenging place. Its almost as if i will be having 37 break-up’s together and i really don’t know how i will make it through. I am going to really miss all of my kids and i hope i can someday justify to them my decision of leaving them an year earlier and i hope that someday i can make each of them feel proud of me and my actions, for them i will always remain their beloved bhaiyya and for me, they my Smart Dreamers….